I used to blog during the struggle. I feel like lately I haven’t been blogging that struggle. Lately, I’ve been wrapping things up all nice and neatly. Sometimes I know that I honestly need to surrender and just acknowledge the attributes of God.
I know that I want to focus more and more on just WHO GOD IS! I want to know the I AM THAT I AM.
But at the same time, I feel like I’ve been suppressing the struggle. You know what? just because I “know” the answers in my head doesn’t mean that I know them in my heart. When it comes right down to it, I need to struggle through these answers. I need to be me. I’m not perfect, I’m not flawless or faultless. In fact, I’m very flawed! I have several dents in my fender and rips in my jeans (shout out to Francesca Battistelli :)).
Right now as I sit here at my computer, I realize that more than anything, I want to be known. I want to risk what everyone who reads this blogs thinks of me and I want to be known. I’m almost ready to risk it. In fact, you know what, I think I might be ready to risk it.
I’m just done. I’m done suppressing my struggle or keeping it to myself when that just isn’t me! I don’t care what you think of my struggle. If you don’t like it or think you are better than me because you don’t struggle with it, then FINE! You might as well quit reading.
The point isn’t for me to get sympathy for my struggle. The point is to allow others to see this struggle and realize that it IS the destination that counts. You see, I am heaven-bound! My goal is Christ. My goal is to KNOW HIM in His death and resurrection. Knowing Him in His death, burial and resurrection is messy business. His death was messy! If you want some neat and clean religion you better quit being a Christian. Cause the Christian life is messy.
If your goal is know the Savior than my thinking is you will appreciate my honesty and come alongside me as we run with patience the race that is set before us. I pray that as I sometimes get out of breath and gasp for air, that you will be there pointing me towards that finish line.
So as I close this blog post, I want you to know that there will be times I might share too much. There will be times that I might not share enough. But when it comes down to it, in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. What matters is if you and I keep pursuing our Savior. Did we finish the race?