I am still here and I hope to be “here” on my blog more in the coming days and weeks. I realized something when I was cooking dinner and was getting tempted to start up some drama in my head. I need something to keep my thoughts busy. I need to write, to imagine, to analyze and to sort out things! I just need that mental stimulation.
So, on that note, today I have been working on my blog doing just some little tweaks here and there. I added my blogroll, which I officially want to announce sometime soon. My current “tweak” was organizing my posts by putting them into their appropriate categories. So, as I was doing that, I came across a post entitled “My Voice”. This post that I wrote months ago as I was working through so much of the fear that I was dealing with is so true. As I have held my baby girl for the past two and a half weeks, I’ve watched what I wrote come to life.
Becoming a mom did not change me as much as I thought it would. I mean, I’m sure that it will change me slowly, too, but I was expecting this radical transformation the moment I held her in my arms. I was looking for the quick, magical background music to play and the sparkles to fly in the air, if only for a second, and for me to suddenly feel different. But there is no fairy that attends births to sprinkle “mommy-pixie dust” on the woman in order for there to be a magical moment. Instead, there is this little teeny-tiny person who is somewhat awkward to hold at first!!!
But because motherhood didn’t “change” me like I thought it would, I have found myself occupied with some of the same temptations that were present before Ayealyn’s birth. So, as I have had to deal with those temptations, I have found that My Father’s voice is truly a comfort. Not only that, but I want to keep hearing it.
So, I’m saying all this to just update my blog readers and hopefully also to get you to go back and read my previous post entitled “My Voice”.