When it comes down to it, I find out quite often that reality rarely matches up to my expectations. I learn that I am quite the dreamer even without realizing it. I just make these assumptions about how people will act or how they must feel based on the way they act.
I do this so much in my relationships and usually it seems like I tend to pick one relationship to focus on at a time. When I think about it in this light, I’m almost amazed that I have the awesome relationships that I do have. This one relationship gets my constant scrutiny and tiny little things begin to add up until I’m either angry or heartbroken (or both!). The thing is, no two relationships work themselves out the same way. No two people work out the kinks and quirks like another two people. This makes it difficult for me because there is no formula or measurement for me to go by. I have to walk through it feeling blind.
Anyways, I guess I’m writing all of this because I need to process it all. I’m also realizing that I need to be focusing on the good things and praying for the people in my life. Not only that, but I need to publicly say that I am trying to surrender my expectations in the area of friendships (especially anyways) to God. I realized that I feel like I’m coming to a cross roads of sorts and I am tempted to head down the wrong path. I’m tempted to try to do what feels better and makes more sense, but isn’t necessarily biblical. God gives direct counsel in His word about how wise “men” (people) walk with other wise men.
People who spend time together eventually influence one another. I need to make sure that I do keep my primary influences people who are spending time with my Saviour. I realize the importance of this when I think about the possible effect doing the opposite could have on my family. My friends will influence my daughter and my relationship with my husband. I want to be around people who influence me to be a better mom and godly wife. More than just my future is at stake here.
So, as I evaluated my desires and what to me feels like needs, I took those desires and needs to God. I left them at His feet and I know that while I might spend time waiting, in His time, He will come through. He will do what I asked, in fact, He will do even better than what I ask. He will do His best for me. He did that when I was waiting for my husband and He will do it again. He is my Jehovah Jireh–My provider! Like I said, I know that I might have to wait for His answer, but I know it will be worth the wait. In the mean time, I must continue to pray and surrender my heart to Him.
I am just so stuck on this because I can remember all the answered prayer that I have experienced and it makes me so excited to take this need to Him because it is something that is hurting my heart in ways I can’t describe. It’s something that I cannot make happen on my own and believe me I’ve tried. I just keep stumbling around in the dark in this area. But never before I have I felt so convicted to pray in this area. Never before have I had such confidence that God is seeing my need and He is preparing to meet my need. I am praising Him already because I know He has a blessing in store for me that I cannot even begin to imagine. That or He has some really good lessons for me! Maybe its both :). But I want to publicly acknowledge that I know He is working, and that I am thankful for that!