Floating

So…I haven’t blogged for a while. I haven’t really had a reason to neglect the blog, just rather a lack of something that I felt like saying. I was in the middle of just living every day and getting through every day. The problem was that I was having a harder and harder time getting through everyday. My physical and emotional stamina has been wearing down rather quickly these days.

So today, I stopped. Its just the beginning of today, but right now I’m thinking that I am just going to neglect what supposedly “needs” to be done in order to allow my body and mind to heal.

There’s some Jars of Clay lyrics that say “I have no fear of drowning/its the breathing thats taking all this work”. Those words have been my heart cry on several different occasions. However, the season of life I am in requires me to not allow myself just to drown.

You see, as I enter into motherhood, I’m realizing that there is no escape from life. I can’t just quit the life I have and start over. As I have begun to build adult relationships the same thing is happening. I’m gaining responsibilities that keep me tied to the life that I’m living.

Motherhood is definitely the biggest thing that is helping me to grow up, though! As I think about wanting to just check out of life or run away, I realize the consequences that would have on my daughter Ayealyn. And no matter what happens, I want to give her at least the security of being there for her. I want her to grow up knowing that I love her. And for me, that means keeping on keeping on even when I don’t feel like it. It means swimming and treading water even when I’m so tired I just want to give up.

Being a good mother to Ayealyn does not mean that I have to cross the English channel in record time however! Sometimes it means I just have to let myself float. Today is one of those days that I’m just going to be floating. I woke up dreading an event in the day and so after some contemplation, I cancelled it. Which actually prompted me to cancel another thing I was going to do. So, all the sudden, instead of feeling like the waves are crashing around me and pushing me under, I’m starting to feel like I’m able to just enjoy being in the water. Granted, I’m still gasping for air a bit and there’s probably some water in my lungs, but now at least, I’m able to float.

For today, floating is an accomplishment!

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About Melanie

My Being Purpose Statement: As a part of Christ's Bride and as one of His precious treasures whom He redeemed with His precious blood, I purpose in my heart to love and adore Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). I want to be beautiful in the sight of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I will therefore pursue holiness (1 Peter 1:16) that I might worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness (1 Chronicles 16:29, Psalms 96:9) and go and proclaim His love, sacrifice and salvation to others who have not heard that I may have the beautiful feet of them that bring glad tidings of good things (Isaiah 52:7, Romans 10:15). My Life Purpose Statement: I desire to serve my Redeemer and Savior Jesus Christ throughout my entire life by ministering to girls and women. I pray that I will be able to bring many girls and women to the Cross of Christ that they may find salvation from a loving and gracious Savior. It is my heart’s desire to encourage girls and women who know the Savior to deepen their relationship with Him and to fall more and more in love with Him. I also want to serve women by assisting them in their everyday lives whether I am rolling up my sleeves to work alongside them or am connecting them with people, ministries, and or resources that will be helpful and beneficial to them. By God’s grace and power, through His Spirit, and for His glory will I endeavor to fulfill this purpose
This entry was posted in A Full Heart, Happenings. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Floating

  1. LeAnn says:

    God has given you family and friends for floating devices too when you let them 🙂 Even when you feel overwhelmed and alone you truely never are.

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