I have this situation in my life that I feel like I cannot objectively talk about and I’m wondering if I ever will be able to. This situation in my life makes my heart hurt even though if it involved anyone else it would probably never bother me again. But this situation involves one person that I have allowed to create in me these powerful responses and they are usually responses of anger, hurt, frustration and maybe even guilt. All these things seem to come from longings and expectations that I had as a child that really weren’t recognized and thus not at all fulfilled.
So, as my heart hurts today, I find myself browsing around the internet, just seemingly aimlessly wandering from blog to blog. But I started to realize that I wasn’t browsing just to browse, rather, I was looking for an answer. I was looking for someone to say “it’s okay to hurt” or “You are right, things shouldn’t be like this” or even an explanation of where I should go from here. I wanted to find someone who has been where I am and has gotten past this struggle with anger and hurt.
But, as my search seems to be rather empty, especially after realizing what exactly I was doing, I realized, I needed to go to my Heavenly Father for the answers. As I look to Him, I realize that my Heavenly Father can use anything that I bring to Him and He is slow to wrath. Not only can my Heavenly Father use anything that I bring to Him no matter how tarnished, stained or broken, but He also actively invites me to bring to Him my all. Not all my good things, but just my all. All of me can come to my Heavenly Father and be loved deeply.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” is what He says, “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” (Matthew 11:28 & Jeremiah 31:25)
So, today, as I realized I was looking in the wrong places for answers, I turned to the One who is The Answer. I’m resting in the love of my Father.