“And I believe them” was the completion of a thought I had just a little bit ago.
I pretty sure that my greatest weakness is my tendency to allow fear to control me. When I start to become afraid of something, I imagine every possible worst-case scenario. Not only do I imagine these possible situations, but I see them in vivid 3-D color. I begin to accept that they will come to pass. By then, I’m terrified and almost paralyzed by fear.
The last few weeks, I’ve begun to feel Baby Ewing move around inside of me. Not only is he/she moving, but he/she is growing too! 🙂 I have a visible baby bump now. These changes have been rather quick, or have at least seemed that way. The changes are giving me a chance to really start realizing the big change that is coming when Baby Ewing makes his/her first appearance!
That’s where the fear is coming in. I have my own worries and then well-meaning people keep telling me to enjoy my freedom while it lasts because I won’t have any after the baby. Or, that my life will be turned upside down because “It” changes everything.
When it comes right down to it, I like my life right now. So, to be told that my life will completely change is not something I want to hear. My mind equates all their well-meaning advice with the word terrible.
I’m scared because everyone says that it will be terrible…And I believe them.
And I believe them.
I’m realizing that I need to win the battles that I fight in my mind. Those last four words seem to be the crucial part of that statement. I’ve let my mind paint a picture based on a skewed picture of the future and I’ve just ran with it.
When I was in the car going grocery shopping, I heard the song “He Is” by Mark Schultz. This particular part of the song stuck out to me:
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
I need to put my trust in my unchanging Savior. He won’t change even if my whole life does!
And, I don’t need to accept the visions that my mind paints for me. I need to know that yes, a major change is coming, but it won’t be terrible. This time of preparing for baby should be exciting and enjoyable.