Learning and Understanding (again)

The past week has been decently tough on me emotionally, and as I continue into the new week, I’m still feeling the “aftershocks” of the emotional earthquake I seemed to go through over the weekend.

I’m dealing with the reality of fears that I am putting names to and selfishness that I’ve been displaying. As I discover these new depths and pitfalls of my heart, I have to wonder “Why?”. Why do I think and feel this way? And how do I change it?

I am realizing that I’m not as honest as I would have like to think. At a certain point in a relationship, I don’t always want to share who I am with that person anymore. I want to continue the relationship, but I don’t want to go any deeper. I think the reason is that I’m afraid if the person finds out what is any deeper, then the relationship will be lost to me. Usually, this event occurs sometime soon after I figure out just how much I want said person in my life. Based on previous actions it seems that I will do anything to keep them, including make excuses and cover up what I’m really thinking.

As I look at my attitudes and actions, I realize how foolish they are in the light of the Cross. Jesus went to the Cross for me, fully knowing my heart to to its deepest levels. He saw all the darkness and selfishness that I want to hide from those I am close to. Yet, He still “endured the Cross, despising the shame”.

I went to a Tenth Avenue North concert on Sunday night and even though I was preoccupied with another situation, the constant message that they communicated was that Christ went to the Cross for ME and all the others in that room. Christ finished the work on the Cross and now I am free to be loved by Him. Nothing, absolutely nothing that I have done could ever satisfy my debt. Nothing I can ever do can ever deserve what He did. All that I can do is fully accept His love by knowing HIS love in the deepest depths of my soul. I can believe HIS Word when He says that He called me His Friend.

As I struggle with my issues in the areas of friendship and relationship, re-focusing on the Cross of Christ will help me. He bled and died to make me HIS friend.

These couple hymns (well, quotes from them) are blessing my heart right now! 🙂

“Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine” Fanny Crosby

“O Love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in Thee.

I give Thee back the life I owe,

That in Thy ocean’s depths its flow,

May richer, fuller be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee;

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be.”

~George Mattheson


About Melanie

My Being Purpose Statement: As a part of Christ's Bride and as one of His precious treasures whom He redeemed with His precious blood, I purpose in my heart to love and adore Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). I want to be beautiful in the sight of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I will therefore pursue holiness (1 Peter 1:16) that I might worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness (1 Chronicles 16:29, Psalms 96:9) and go and proclaim His love, sacrifice and salvation to others who have not heard that I may have the beautiful feet of them that bring glad tidings of good things (Isaiah 52:7, Romans 10:15). My Life Purpose Statement: I desire to serve my Redeemer and Savior Jesus Christ throughout my entire life by ministering to girls and women. I pray that I will be able to bring many girls and women to the Cross of Christ that they may find salvation from a loving and gracious Savior. It is my heart’s desire to encourage girls and women who know the Savior to deepen their relationship with Him and to fall more and more in love with Him. I also want to serve women by assisting them in their everyday lives whether I am rolling up my sleeves to work alongside them or am connecting them with people, ministries, and or resources that will be helpful and beneficial to them. By God’s grace and power, through His Spirit, and for His glory will I endeavor to fulfill this purpose
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2 Responses to Learning and Understanding (again)

  1. I love that hymn! I am praying for you!

  2. GabbyMel says:

    It is definitely one of my favorites! I have never heard it sung in a church, but it should be for sure because the lyrics are so rich in meaning!

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