Ah, Life

What is one thing that you would never know you did without if you had never had it?

Life.

Life is such a mystery. The word conjures up so many interesting debates and so many deep questions. However, those are not really what I wanted to write about.

What I really wanted to write about is about my dreams for the future. I cannot lie, I live for the future. I am always planning, scheming about what to do next. I cannot fathom the idea of living only for this present moment.

However, tonight I am not planning, but rather just looking into the future. What do I see? I see myself walking down the isles of shoe heaven all alone. I was introduced to shoe heaven by a former friend and I wish that I saw us together walking down those isles trying on shoes, however, instead, I see myself alone. I go to find shoes for an outfit and instead of searching for the perfect pair, I quickly search for the ones that will look good and be semi-comfortable at the same time. I purchase my pair and I leave the store perfectly content with my purchase. I see myself having a lot on my plate and being a productive, valuable woman. That is my dream; what about the alternate reality that I see?

In the alternate reality, I see my friend walking with me. We spend hours in the store compared to the twenty minutes I spent alone. We laugh and smile whereas I merely walked with pursed lips in my other vision. I find the perfect pair of shoes and another pair that I did not really need, but decided I could not live without! She also buys and pair and we meander through the store to the checkout line. We checkout and celebrate our success at Steak & Shake’s happy hour. In the alternate reality I see myself as nothing. While I am enjoying life, I do not see myself doing what I could do for my family, my community and my world.

I am in a quandary. I feel like I want the best of both of those futures, but they seem incompatible. I do not know how to make them compatible, but maybe someday I will.

Course, as a child I never really felt that I had close friends. I had one best friend, but then I moved away and while we are facebook friends, there is not really a current relationship there, only memories, sweet memories. Every other relationship I have experienced seems to have turned sour. Sometimes my fault, sometimes theirs. I honestly am really afraid to develop friendships because it does not seem worth it. Friends seem like a waste of time because I have never found someone that loves to do the same things I do.

Now, that might be surprising because I am a married woman, but to me being married is about supporting my husband in what he wants to do, and putting my dreams aside for his. However, my dreams are not dead and I will be valuable contributor to the world I was born into. I am a privileged citizen of this world in so many ways and with privilege comes responsibility. Responsibility to enable others to experience the wondrous things I have experienced in my lifetime.

Anyways, I think I am just rambling, but I needed to get it out of my system. I feel like I could be so wrong with the conclusions I made. I know I am at least half-wrong, and eventually I hope to think correctly on the subject, but for now, I am too emotionally attached to the issue to see clearly.

Thats all for now folks!

Advertisements

About Melanie

My Being Purpose Statement: As a part of Christ's Bride and as one of His precious treasures whom He redeemed with His precious blood, I purpose in my heart to love and adore Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). I want to be beautiful in the sight of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I will therefore pursue holiness (1 Peter 1:16) that I might worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness (1 Chronicles 16:29, Psalms 96:9) and go and proclaim His love, sacrifice and salvation to others who have not heard that I may have the beautiful feet of them that bring glad tidings of good things (Isaiah 52:7, Romans 10:15). My Life Purpose Statement: I desire to serve my Redeemer and Savior Jesus Christ throughout my entire life by ministering to girls and women. I pray that I will be able to bring many girls and women to the Cross of Christ that they may find salvation from a loving and gracious Savior. It is my heart’s desire to encourage girls and women who know the Savior to deepen their relationship with Him and to fall more and more in love with Him. I also want to serve women by assisting them in their everyday lives whether I am rolling up my sleeves to work alongside them or am connecting them with people, ministries, and or resources that will be helpful and beneficial to them. By God’s grace and power, through His Spirit, and for His glory will I endeavor to fulfill this purpose
This entry was posted in A Full Heart. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Ah, Life

  1. Dark One says:

    Reach out; make friends as if your life depended on it, because it does, but do not be deceived, as women will be. Find that one friend you can tell EVERYTHING, that you trust with your deepest and darkest secrets. Facebook is an energy drain. Pour your life out into people. I speak as one who has missed many opportunities. Melanie, you touch my heart like none has in a long time, perhaps because I see myself in you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s