If life is a journey, why do I feel like I’m going in circles? Are the circles wider? Do I go in circles faster than before? I mean, I’m supposed to be making progress, right? Why does this post say everything that I want to say right now? Why? I have so many questions, so many ache-ings. The only difference between then and now is that somehow I can’t bring myself to be as hopeful as before. I want to be, but I’m exhausted. I am tired, oh so tired of fighting to be positive. Fighting to be optimistic and even just fighting to live. I feel like I am sick and dying on the inside because my hope is waning. Why?
Honestly, I think it is because my spiritual life is struggling so much right now. There is so much I want to know about God, and so little time for me to study and find it out. The only thing that I can be grateful for is that I really honestly feel as though I am being held in God’s hands. I may not even feel like I know WHO HE IS, but I feel Him holding me. My faith is honestly hanging on that. This is what means to held.