I have felt rather different these past few weeks. And, in the process of feeling different, I have decided that I don’t really particularly liked being around people, at least not lately.
Its an odd feeling to be a people person who is annoyed by the sound of human voices engaged in general chatter. Not that I am annoyed by everyone’s voices, but the whole sitting in the theater waiting for New Moon to start, listening to a bunch of preppy girls squeak about the trivialities of life was about to drive me mad. Even my own workplace was almost enough to bring out my insanity.
My life is a paradox I suppose, because since I am a people person, I cannot stand to be totally alone. When I am waiting for Luke to come home, I’ve been trying to be industrious, however, being alone allows me to fight with the terrible temptation of idleness. How I wish I could just sit and surf facebook or random blogs, searching for inspiration. Again, though, I have come to not be able to stand facebook, at least most of it. I have decided that I really really don’t care about the fact that you have found these lyrics from a song that you think fit your life, and I really don’t understand why I’m “friends” with you if I only see you in person 8 times in my whole life and those eight times are already over? Not only that, but to blame something on myself and only myself, why did I “friend” someone simply because the names of our existences match? Is that really a good reason? Needless to say, facebook has been turning my stomach lately. I have contemplated deactivating my account, but then, I do use it to keep up with a few people who I do actually love, or at least those who I happen to tolerate.
I believe the condition that I am suffering from is probably just plain being full of myself, tho I haven’t been able to stand myself lately either. I am of the opinion that I just need to live life the way it is supposed to be lived. I mean, there are general principles that govern everyone, right? What is a successful life, anyways?
Lets see, anyways, the first thing I think, is that I shouldn’t kill anyone. That seems rather obvious. The second thing is that although being around an excessive amount of people is driving me insane, I should probably just kinda keep my mouth shut and not let them see my madness. The third thing is more of a personal thing, I believe that it is probably a good idea to refrain from allowing myself to really and truly speak my mind at times!
Do you ever have those moments, days, or weeks when you just wish you could scream at someone for about a half and hour and then they just kinda forget it? The problem isn’t you screaming, the problem is usually them forgetting. Humans have a tendency to remember bad things and getting screamed at is a bad thing. Since I seem to be proverbially airing a lot of my dirty laundry, I should assure you that while I am telling you of the longings of my heart, I should also tell you that I am a depraved human (along with most of the rest of the human race). I know that most of what I wish for is completely and utterly wrong (and yes, I do believe in right and wrong, that is something I want to blog about eventually), and I have been trying to keep myself from showing my annoyance, though I am sure that people have already guessed.
Anyways, I believe that I am going to figure out a way to get up and try again everyday. I do know that is important to remember that everyday is a new day. Today is only one day and tomorrow is another day. A new beginning. At the end, or after just a few hours, I look forward to that new beginning!
Anyways, now that I have confessed or ranted, I suppose I should tell you (my practically absent readers) that I wish I was a good blogger. I wish that I would feel more like posting worthwhile edifying substance, but instead, I would rather just ramble for my own benefit. I’m sorry, but if its worthwhile edifying stuff that you really like then I can recommend a bunch of great blogs! 🙂 Just email me, fb message me (yes…, I did just say that), or comment or something like that. Anyways, so for the time being, if you visit my blog, you might not find out anything that adds anything to your life. In fact, my blog might become something that you should avoid as one of those useless time wasters. It sounds so harsh to say that I don’t care, but when it comes right down to it, I guess I don’t. I need an outlet for all that I’m thinking and because I have that problem of being full of myself, a journal just doesn’t do it! I’d much rather have an audience, even if it is imaginary! (now that I’m not living at home, it’s really stretching the imagination to believe I do have an audience).
Okay, on to the important stuff. I eventually plan on going through the book Rewriting Your Emotional Script: Erase Old Messages, Embrace New Attitudes. I first heard about this book on Midday Connection, a program on Moody Radio (google it, I’m to lazy to make the hyperlinks). The author Becky Harling talked about how she had seven steps that she would do in her day, and those seven steps helped her to actually get through her day.
“1. Get out of bed and make the bed so I don’t get back in it!
2. Take a worship walk. Exercise releases endorphins. Praise releases the Holy Spirit. On these walks, I praise God for who He is and not for my circumstances.
3. Focus on one passage of Scripture. It might be only one verse. But filling my mind with Scripture protects it from the discouraging messages Satan wants me to dwell on.
4. Accomplish two tasks. These might be as simple as loading the dishwasher or folding laundry.
5. Encourage one person. One dark day I went to the grocery store (one of my tasks) and on a whim I paid for an elderly woman’s groceries. It encouraged her heart and lifted mine! Sometimes I might call a friend or send a package to my child away at college.
6. Rest, weep, and regroup. While I’ve included weeping here, the truth is that weeping can’t be scheduled. Feelings of grief come and go throughout the day. But after I have accomplished two tasks I give myself permission to rest: I lie down, read a relaxing book, bake, or do something else that relaxes me.
7. Reflect on the day and record three good things that happened that day.”
Those are her seven steps, but I’m not sure that I could follow them to a t. For the first thing, Luke is usually in bed longer than I am and it just wouldn’t work to make the bed with him in it! 🙂 LOL. I do want to see if I can come up with some sort of plan though. I do need a plan to combat the pressures that life brings along. I wonder if it is normal to feel on a usual basis that you are sort of just drowning in life. Coming up for air is a rare thing, and deep breaths seem even rarer because they have to be fought for. I want to breath real life, and quit drowning and I’m gonna figure out how.
Anyways, I do want to close with a passage of Scripture that convicted me last night and one that I do really want to memorize.
Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.