I have many things running through my mind lately…and the chiefest of these things is my spiritual health and my relationship with God. I think if I was to measure my spiritual health, it would be dying. I picture my Spirit laying in a hospital bed, my kidneys are failing, my lungs collapsing, and my heart is barely breathing. My All knowing Doctor sits beside the bed, waiting for me to say I’ll accept major surgery that will correct all the health problems I am experiencing. The surgery will be quite long, very delicate and intense. Recovery will take over all my life, and the chances of having to have the same surgery again are rather high. I know the process…I’ve already been through surgery once. The outcome was amazing! I was so healthy, vibrant and free; so why does my spirit yet lay in yonder hospital bed? Why does not it utter the two words that will send it to surgery? Because it loves what is causing its death.
In Luke chapter 15, Jesus narrates several parables to the Scribes and Pharisees. The first one is about a Shepherd who has lost his 100th sheep, the second one is about a woman who has lost her 10th piece of silver, and the third is about a father who loses his son. All these parables are written from the perspective of the person who lost that special something, yet I have not lost anything, rather I am the sheep, I am the piece of silver, I am the son.
As the sheep, I love what attracted me to the thorns I got caught in. Those thorns are why my shepherd is looking for me.
As the silver piece, I love the dirt that I have fallen into. That is why the lady of the house is cleaning frantically to find me.
As the son, I love the pleasures I found in the city. Even working for the farmer feeding his pigs, well, I guess it is worth it. I left my Father for those pleasures.
Perhaps what I need is for the thorns to scratch me, the dirt to tarnish me, and for me to get sick of eating the same as what the pigs eat. How can I see the truth and yet ignore it? I do not know. I am not ignoring it, rather I am praying that the thorns will scratch, the dirt will tarnish me and that I will eat too much pig slop. Yet, how can I pray for those things? How can I let things get that far? I do not know. I guess I am lazy. Perhaps I have no strength. Perhaps I need help. I do not know. I know I am confused. If you read this, pray for me please!