I promised that I would write a blog post tonight…and I will…even tho its already 2 o clock at night. :).
But yes, dreams that will not die haunt me. But dreams of what? I believe that it is dreams of changing the world, dreams of being somebody and of doing something important. Perhaps it is that I want to be known by people. It would not surprise this selfish and prideful person.
Currently, I work at Taco Bell, and currently, I hate it! My biggest issue is that I feel unsuccessful. I feel as though I’ve failed and fail everytime that I go into work. I told Luke that I would probably quit whenever he quit (most likely the end of summer), and he asked me what I would like to do, or what I would enjoy doing. I honestly don’t know what I would enjoy, but I do know that if I’m going to do something, that it is very important for me to feel successful at it. My second issue…having to love my enemies. Ull, why can’t people just get along and not be so contentious. I just can’t wait until what goes around comes around.
However, warring and conflicting with my desire for fame, is the ideas that pop into my mind. I was holding my baby sister today, and how precious I realized that she was. She isn’t just a baby or just a kid, but rather a little person. That little darling that I held in my arms made me realize just how special kids are. They aren’t given to anyone for long, but during that brief span in their life, everyone must teach them so much. I wondered if God was trying to tell me that I am not necessarily going to change the billions of people in the world, but that instead, I would change my future family’s world. Moriah (the baby) suddenly made me long to have a family of my own to invest time into and to serve and to love. Yet, what do I do until then?
I would love to write, teach, tutor, be a personal assistant, or do something along those lines, but how can I do it without having a college degree. I don’t know what God has in store for me. I don’t know what I’d like to do. I’d love to be involved in politics…but then again, it would be hard to be “successful” at it a lot of times. I just had a thought, I’d better examine my definition of success. What is success? Is it fame, prestige, being recognized for the job that you have done? Or is success something else? What is it? I need to define it definetly though. I just thought of another thing, God doesn’t want me to live for success, but rather to live for HIM! That is the most important thing.
My brain is foggy though, and my eyes are closing themselves, so it would be best if I would go to bed and rest. I promised my dearest Luke that I would get some sleep. I am praying though, that God will show me what it is that HE wants me to do.