Just an update.
I guess, really, an update is a free pass for me to kind of just ramble on. I’m struggling with this blog to be honest. I don’t feel free to blog the way I used to. I loved being able to sort it all out here. But now, I keep feeling like I have to sort it all out and then report it here. In other words, it is not therapeutic anymore, it is more of a chore. I still need a place to express my heart, though. I’m very seriously considering photo journaling because I am a visual person and I would love to be able to “show” my heart and my thoughts.
Anyways, at the same time, I really feel a responsibility to use my Communications degree. I want to develop my writing skills. So in some ways, blogging would fit that bill. Maybe I need to make it a periodic chore in order to enhance my skills? I am unsure.
I am unsure about a lot of things. Topics that have crossed my mind but have yet to be completely addressed are marriage, being faithful in the small things, the beauty of waste, marriage, parenting and childhood development, marriage, responsibilities, modesty (this one will probably have an actual practical effect on my everyday life), marriage, identity, mothering, delayed gratification, marriage, discretion and finally marriage.
Hum…I see one topic more than once! Yes, I am thinking about marriage quite seriously. I have questions that may or may not need answers. I have questions that definitely do need answers. I wonder about the practicalities of marriage and the specifics of my marriage. A lot of this probably stems from my best friend’s recent marriage and my upcoming anniversary.
I’d like to think that I ponder things very deeply. However, I might just be thinking too highly of myself. *sigh*
Anyways, in the next month or two I am going to make it a point to decide what I am going to do with this blog. I am seriously considering leaving it altogether. The whole theme does not seem to fit with my season of life right now. I do not think that I will quit blogging; rather, I see myself starting off on a different sort of blog, either my aforementioned photo journal, or some other blog that gives me a fresh start. Personally, my gut says it is time to say goodbye. After all, it has been two years since I have been Melanie Heather (part of the domain name). The seasons of my life has changed and I think it is time to wear the appropriate clothes.
If I would end this blog, I would cry, I think. This blog has been my safe platform from which I could pour my heart out. It was a haven for me. I realize that it really is not a haven anymore, yet I hate to leave my pleasant memories. Dare I venture away from somewhere I felt so safe? Dare I stay where I am no longer safe?
Before long I shall decide.